Love of a Personal God

Today was a good day.

It has been awhile since I had a genuinely good day, and my heart is full. I can pinpoint a lot of reasons that today was so beautiful - I got up early, had help milking cows, it was sunny, I galloped my horses bareback, took a little road trip with my mom and sister, and spent time with an ever cherished, endlessly encouraging friend.

But really, today was such a good day, because God's grace and love was so evident to me, once again. I feel the need to share. 

I have to say, I am humbled. The Lord has been teaching me so much about his heart, and it gives me butterflies thinking about it...He still speaks, guys. He still speaks to us, and somehow, he has chosen me to be a vessel to pour out Jesus' love to the world.

And he cares about the little things, too. He's been showing me just how much he cares about things I care about, because he cares about me. It's like when you meet a friend, or fall in love, or have a child, and you are interested in what they are interested in, because you love them. God is like that, but his love extends so much further than we can imagine.

I want to share a few examples that have blown my mind in the last few months.

Short Story Number One

Seven months ago, I broke up with my boyfriend, who also happened to be my best friend of 8 or so years. In that process, I said goodbye to all my childhood memories, my whole past, and several other friends who walked by his side, leaving mine. I  suddenly went from a crazy, busy friends-every-day life, to working. Only working. Great for my future travel plans, but awful for my sanity. 

I had done drill team in the past - a team of eight girls riding horses in patterns to music. It's incredible, and I wanted to do it again, but my gut feeling told me my old horse's arthritis wasn't going to allow him to perform again, and getting a new horse didn't sound so great since I want to travel the world, but...I needed something, so...I talked to my neighbor. Went to see her horse, it didn't go so well. Then I looked at craigslist, praying, "God, if you want me to do this, give me a horse." Right away, I found a horse, 30 miles away. Two days later, I went to see him. The owner had been trying to sell him for a year. She had just cut his price in half. She said everyone who had come to see him were either old ladies who wanted to trail ride once a month, or idiots who had no idea what they were doing...she said, "please buy him." I did. Three days later, I brought him home. (Six days from not getting a new horse, to having a new horse...) 

Problem......Jackson was cRaZy, and several weeks in, things were not going well. I cried to God again, "Whyy would you bring me this horse if I can't use him anyway? Am I not supposed to do drill team? Am I supposed to just be still and have no life outside work?" And clear as day God's voice cut through my thoughts -- "Jenna, I wouldn't have given you Jackson if I didn't want you to do drill team."

Oh. Really? Okay. Well, that doesn't make much sense. Because, there are nine riders currently, and, only eight can ride, and....Me having the crazy horse, I'll be the first one to go...but I chose to trust God, because, if we could see a way for something to happen, it wouldn't show his power, would it? I think...God likes to make impossible situations possible when his kids pray and trust him.

Anyway. Fast forward two months. Jackson has improved X100 as far as riding, but still in position 9 to ride. I was getting frustrated, ready to stop wasting gas if I couldn't ride anyway, but then just like that, Jackson started obeying, being a team player, following the rules...shortly after, (having absolutely nothing to do with me) one of the other riders started to consider quitting. And then she quit. And I have a spot. A permanent spot...We rocked our first performance. :)

And God was right, and my doubt was pointless. And that's just...cool. :)

A Not Actually A Story Number 2

God's heart for certain people needing encouragement amazes me. What amazes me even more, is that he is choosing to use me to share his heart and encourage other's. Why me? What even begins to make me worthy to be able to help others in such a way?

I have so many examples, I can't actually list them all. Over the past several months, maybe even longer, the Lord has chosen to ask me to say things to people. He has told me when people are hurting. I will be living my normal daily life, and suddenly someone will come to mind. Sometimes, it is accompanied by a deep sadness. Sometimes, I can feel their hurt. Sometimes, he shows me what they are struggling with, and sometimes, he just gives me a verse or a quote to send someone. A few times, the people who come to mind are people I haven't talked to in months or weeks. Sometimes, it is someone I am close to, and sometimes it is someone who doesn't know the Lord. But the Spirit in me, knows their spirit...and it's never been wrong. If God asks me to share something with someone, to send some encouragement, every time they reply with, "You have no idea how much I needed that."

How am I worthy, Lord? I want to cry at the honor. I want to dance in his grace. He's real, he is alive, and he loves us all so much more than we can know.

Not A Story but God Answers Prayer (Number 3)

And this little story, well, this is just awesome. :D

I have always wanted to take TEFL to teach English in another country, but it was on the plans for two or three years from now. As I was praying about where to travel next, I kept feeling a leading to do TEFL this fall. I didn't jump right into it, because I can't go for a year to teach for awhile anyway, I want to stay and work with my horses, and I literally have so little money and have to save up for Africa....but the feeling wouldn't go away, so I said, "God, If you want me to go, I will go, but you have to provide the money and lead me there."

I really felt it was what I needed to do, so even though I didn't feel I had enough money for it, I looked into the program, and found out that because I volunteered with the program before, they were covering my food and housing for the duration of the class - $700!! I registered, signing up for a homestay and paying only the program fee, which I found out is covered by a a special education fund my dad set up. $2400, paid.

A few days later in church, Pastor Travis (from New Hope Fellowship in Onalaska, one of the greatest gatherings of believers I've been to in this country) was talking about the faithfulness of God and what that means. I could write a whole post on this topic but I'll just say; it inspired me to pray bigger.

So, that week, I wanted to book my flight. I figured I could get one for just under $200 to Panama City, Panama, with my airline miles. (Most I found were $500-700). I was going to book one, but I felt that God was asking me to wait. So, I waited a few days, and in that time I decided to ask for a flight for under $100 (because I don't currently have enough faith to ask for a free one yet... :/) when I felt peace about booking a flight, I got it for $56. I got a flight for Fifty. Six. Dollars. To Panama. I think I happy danced for quite awhile after booking that flight. 

But that's not it...when I got the confirmation email for my flight, there was a coupon - for $50 rebate. I took advantage of it. Which means I paid $6 for the flight. Either I am really lucky, or God is good. I don't believe in cooncidence quite that big...so all glory to God. 

Through this journey, I've been slowly learning a few things...one, is that, well...God is faithful. He's true to his promises. I can pray with faith, pray for the impossible, knowing he will answer because he promised it in his word, and he loves to give us good things. (If we pray according to his will; he isn't just a genie in a bottle here to grant our wishes.)

I've been learning to recognize his voice, and that when his still, small voice cuts through the silence, I can be confident that what he says is true. What he promises, will come to be. I don't always recognize his voice from my own thoughts, but when I am obedient to what he is asking, he has never been wrong, and I am humbled beyond words that he would choose to use me to be an encouragement when people need it, and even his gifts to me; to the point of, if I had booked a flight when I wanted to instead of obeying his will to wait, I would be paying $200 for my flight instead of $6.

And, I've been learning about his love. That he loves so deeply, and he wants to encourage us. Even those who have outright denied him, he still calls them to himself with open arms. His heart is not just for "holy" and "righteous" but for the broken, lost, sinners like me.

Who am I that he would love me? What am I that he should care? That he would look down from his throne to see me out of 7 billion people on this planet, and choose to use me? To love me, to show me his heart, and to bless me with such gifts? ("Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.")

This life doesn't make sense, but through it all, I am confident that God can and will do abundantly more in me, and through me, than I could ever hope or imagine. He rocks my world.

I love this journey. You're always welcome to join. I know you'd love it, too. :)