Okay, I know I decided that a long time ago, but sometimes living in this normal world, working at a normal job, and hanging out with normal (but super awesome!) people, I forget that I don't want to be like everyone else.
Don't get me wrong, if you want to be normal, be awesome at your 9-5 job, raise a family and never go outside this beautiful country, that's cool! Really, I'm jealous of you. You have no idea how much I would love to be 100% happy with living here and having stuff and doing what millions of other American's are doing.
But I guess that I was made for something else, and I want to be different. (This is nothing new. Ask my mom. In 1st grade, I had to be the one running in the halls. Please don't confuse this with being a rule breaker ;))
So what is "normal"? Google tells me (and google is the new Webster's) that normal is: conforming to a standard; usual, typical, or expected
Normal is expected. Normal is the usual. Normal is "conforming to a standard."
A highly educated coworker of mine (high school sophomore to be exact) described the normal of America like this: You barely make it through high school. Scrape along to go to college, get a degree that you don't really want, get a job that you don't really like, marry someone you sort of like (sometimes) - mostly because all of your friends are getting married and you feel left out, have some kids, have them do whatever you wanted to do but didn't accomplish, try to save some money to retire, but then end up in a nursing home until you die.
And from my observations, I'm going to add some more detail to the college (and beyond) years: you go out, you drink, you have some "fun", you experiment with drugs, you hook up, you search for true love that you never really find, you feel like life is pointless, you get angry, hold grudges, hate everyone, wish that you had more money and more stuff, wish you had motivation to do something with your life, wish you were brave enough to step out of your comfort zone, WISH you COULD do A, B, and C...but never really do things that make you happy, and never really do what you want to do, and you come to the conclusion that this is what life is, and that life sucks. (Correct me if I'm wrong.)
Sounds exciting to me...not.
I don't want to be normal. I don't want to live the normal American life. I don't want to wish I could do A, B, and C and never do it. But, unlike most people who don't want to but do anyway, starting at 21-in-a-month years old, I am going to make my life what I want it to be, and hopefully encourage you to as well.
Believe me, this doesn't sound easy to me, or even very smart. It seems nearly impossible, (and challenging, and looked down upon...) but things only seem impossible until they are accomplished.
To start, I made a simple list of the five most important things that I want in life in so specific order:
- Save myself physically 100% for the man I will marry (No STDs and as few painful emotional conversations as possible) - get married to my BEST, and do everything in my power to make my marriage work, forever. Always remember that my relationship is 1) about honoring God, 2) about loving my man well. It is not about me and what I can take away from it, it is all about giving 110% of myself.
- Adopt (many) kids from around the world. This is not just a want, an option, or a maybe. If someone I am interested in isn't willing to adopt kids, he will not be my BEST. Adoption has been a heart's desire since I was 7, and I don't believe that desires this strong can just be pushed under a rug and forgotten forever. Kids need a family, kids need love, and kids need people willing to give them what they need. :)
- Love God, walk in his truth, live a pure, holy, God pleasing life, and by living a life walking with God, that I may show God's love to broken people everywhere I go. To live by James 4:7. To continuously grow in faith, to put others before myself, and to forgive and be forgiven.
- Be content in all things.
- Travel the WORLD. Every continent (even the penguin one.) Most countries. I want to see things that other's only imagine. Preferably with someone that has similar life goals as I do and will encourage me and help me to resist the plaguing temptations of the world. And I want to love and give 100% of my heart wherever I go.
Voila. You now know the deepest desires of my heart. The problem is...who I want to be is so far away from who I have been, and who I am. I am not going to go into detail about the terrible, hypocritical person I have been. If you know that side of me, I'm so sorry. If you don't, I'm so sorry. But, the past is the past, and dwelling on it is not going to help me be the person I can be. (I'm sure that in the next month or so, many of these things will come up, so if you are so inclined, stay tuned. :)
For the next 30 days, I am going to do something I've never done before. I am going to give 100% of myself to loving God and to loving people. The reasoning is this: I've seen the happiness and peace that people have when they love God and let him love people through them. I've seen God change lives. And I've often wondered why he doesn't change mine. Why I don't have that. Why I am an awful hypocritical person if God is so great. Then I realized...Have I ever really given him a chance change me? Have I ever tried doing what those happy people are doing? No. I can't say I have...
So, that leads me to where I am today. It's only 30 days. Maybe nothing will come of it, and I'll still be the same, hypocritical, angry person living a normal life. Or maybe it will be the beginning of God changing me and taking me further than I ever thought possible.
Somehow, "I have faith that God can, and will do abundantly more than I could ever hope or imagine, in me, and through me." I guess it's time to find out.
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