God...god, where are you?
Is this love? I can not deny but I can not understand.
Hate...I hate it. Me, you, breathing.
We're all alone, feeling the same emptiness, sobbing the same tears, wanting the same thing, but following an unknown law from a beautifully known God and running in place from confusion.
Seeking truth but denying its place to live in pleasures we see; then colliding with the painful consequences, but it's all pain: withstanding, living sry apart - pain, loneliness...or pain from blending in: falling, walking away in search of something better.
We can not win.
Not in this life.
Pain wins.
Confusion wins.
Tears win.
Loneliness and hate and all things bad splattered with bloody drops of good, yet we hold on to the unseen hoping for what they say is false hope but we know it's not deep down in our souls...
Though everything we see says hope is a lie.
Pain...deep pain...I will never breathe again.
The beautiful air of innocence I once knew has been stolen away and I will never again "just be."
I don't know who i am; what is this life? What am I? Is this even real?
Someday, I will wake up from this nightmare and realize that I don't exist.
Nothing exists.
Nothing ever changes.
Once upon a time, nothing existed...
AND IT WAS A FUCKING PERFECT WORLD.
"Demons that I try to hide imprison me in my own mind, and all that I can do, is cover up the proof."
Breathe in, breathe out.
I'm alive, I'm alive.
I have hope, I have hope...faith. Purpose. Destiny. Vision.
I will go, I will do, I will inspire change.
But I can't breathe, and all I feel is pain, all I see is hate blocking my view of the beautiful for what I want is not what God commands but he knows best; his rules reign.
We're all broken, but some are just bent and searching and they find themselves in different ways.
I am lost...lost...but found in You.
I don't belong here; I hate this place.
It's beautiful, peaceful, but dreadful and dark.
Acceptance...accept. The concept is foreign, I may never know.
So I block it out; the things that I can't change.
Right, wrong...you believe this, I believe that.
There's only one truth.
Search, search and find. I found it; I'm lost. You don't care; you're found.
Lies. Encircle my mind; rip at my skin. The words entangle me and pull in every direction, what do I know? What do I believe?
And if I really believe truth....
Why is there still pain?
"Save me from loosing myself. Can't you see who I am? Underneath these scars, I'm afraid to fall, so I'm holding on to you...I won't let go; I'm hanging on by a thread."
Goodnight, world. Tomorrow is another beautiful day to fill with pain and broken memories. Goodnight.
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