I have no desire to meet new guys; my heart is stuck on one, and without that one, I am content in my singleness.
But a part of me feels like maybe, just maybe at some point, one of these strangers will take the pain away. Maybe they'll make me forget the love, forget the hurt. They are a distraction, nothing more. A distraction that almost seems to make the pain worse, reminding me that as great as they may be, they are not him.
But I can not have him. My heart and mind fight within me -
"I don't want to do life without him, I can't..." (Heart cries a river)
"You have to, girl, you know the rules...you know it'll be better this way, somehow..."
"I'm never going to love someone like that again, or be loved like that...love like that doesn't just...happen..."
"Peobably true, but too bad. Too stinking bad, dear heart, it is what it is, and he is not yours, and until Jesus tells him yes and leads him to you again, you won't be his..."
*heart dies*
It's such a beautiful story that seems slightly dark and twisted. Mutual love with a chasm between. But there is peace in knowing God keeps his promises. God is faithful, and all of life is for our good and his glory...even if we don't see it right now. He's never failed. He's never broken his promise to me, or to anyone.
Time changes things; in two years everything will be different. Maybe, just maybe the undying hope has reason.
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