Snow and Contentment

I seriously, really truly, super duper, deeply love snow. For the first 20 years of my life I was pretty sure everyone hates it. Then I started preaching love and all the beauty and goodness of the white flakes. Now, I feel like it's not so hated, except when it is being shoveled and sliding cars off the road or into other cars...like in my case this morning when I slid straight towards another car, stopping just short of the driver's side door. People are starting to see the beauty, but, it's slick out there. Snow is not made for driving in. It's made for the slow days; made to enjoy. To play in, roll in, or throw around, or to watch while sitting inside by a fireplace, curled up in a big fuzzy blanket with a steaming mug of hot chocolate with mini marshmallows and whipped cream. I have yet to do that, though every time It snows that item on my bucket list moves one number closer to being on top. It's going to happen. Sounds lovely, doesn't it? I just need to find a fireplace.

Right now, I am halfway to that cozy dream. I'm sitting in the bookstore, wintry music playing softly, a mini Christmas tree on the table in front of me with mini white bulb ornaments. And the white, wintry, blustery mix outside makes me glad that I am not sitting in the woods hunting, currently.

Winter relaxes me. I don't know if it is just me, but aside from the tense moments driving 40 miles an hour and worrying about sliding off the road at any second, I am so much more content and relaxed in winter. The snow and crisp cold, knowing I have a heated house and warm blankets...I feel so blessed. I could be stuck out there under a bridge with a thin plastic tarp covering me. 

I shiver at that thought. I am blessed, yet other's are not. Am I a terrible person for not lending them my bed? For not inviting them into my house? I don't often see homeless souls. I guess they are all at the Salvation Army, right?

Still, the thought hurts me. 

Christmas is coming. One month from today is Christmas eve. Thousands of selfish American's will be receiving gifts, and thousands of normal American's will be giving those gifts, and a handful of selfless souls will be giving everything they have to help those who can neither give nor receive.

I feel stagnant. Lately, as though I really can not make a difference. Just like everyone who chooses not to do anything, I want to, but don't know where to start.

I wish I was creative and could come up with a billion dollar idea to change the world. They say God does that through people, but I am still waiting. All of the good intentions in the world still won't change it. Actions change things. But in order to have action, you must have ideas. 

Love > Intentions > Ideas > Action > Change.

I have the first two down. And now I'm stuck. I don't think action or change would be a problem for me if I had any kind of ideas how to do something.

Maybe I am thinking too big. Maybe change starts little. Maybe intentions and love is enough. Love manifested looks like...what exactly? Giving? Sharing? Caring?

We know that words are not enough. Actions are the only thing that mean anything. Actions speak louder than words, and words become nothing if your actions are silent. Or if your actions say something different. I say I love, I say I care, I say I want to change the world, yet I spend my money on selfish gain and spend my time on personal pleasures.

I wish that selfish was a feasible way to live. I so wish that I could spend money and time on myself and change the world. Maybe that is where it starts, though? But not with earthly things though...with love. You must be full to pour out.

Okay, I am randomly ranting and saying nothing, but putting my thoughts into words helps some deep part of my soul to be a little more content. One ranting blog post a week that no one will ever read, and I shall be golden.

Snow, snow, snow. Snow provokes so many random thoughts in my mind.

In summer, I am too busy being busy to think. 

Contentment is never truly complete, is it?

Is contentment in a choice here and now, no matter what -

1 Timothy 6:6-8 ESV
Now there is great gain in godliness with contentment, for we brought nothing into the world, and we cannot take anything out of the world. But if we have food and clothing, with these we will be content.


Philippians 4:11-13 ESV 

Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me.


 Or is that simply for earthly THINGS, and we can not be content if we are not where God wants? Or not doing what God wants? If we are not giving everything of ourselves that God wants us to give? How do we know? God, I hate life

I woke up this morning and the first thing I thought was, "life is impossible. It is impossible for us to exist, yet we do."

Snow is impossible. Feeling is impossible. Everything is impossible, yet we are. 

Life is not our choice, either. We are victims of circumstance. We believe, more or less, what we have been taught. We obey something, someone; and we rebel against something and someone. We all live for something or someone, and are all willing to die for one reason or another, but for everyone, the something and someone is different.

Does that make us wrong or right? We believe truth, or do we believe lies?

Either way, I trust, because God is sovereign and God is faithful. But I am never fully happy for more than a week or two. Yes, snow makes me happy. The woods make me happy. Beautiful people and children and hot chocolate makes me happy. But the happiness fades and I am discontent and restless and angry and frustrated. 

They tell me to let go and enjoy the times. Enjoy the snow, enjoy the beauty. I try, but my soul longs for more, and I am trying to quiet it. Because I just want to be normal. I want to be normal. I want to be normal. I don't want to be radical. I don't want this desire. I don't want to believe what I believe so strongly. I want to let it go...but it's not my choice, is it? 

But is there a different between "normal" and "content"? Can I be radical, be different, live the life my soul desires, and still be content where I am? Can I live my un-normal life anywhere, at any time, in any situation?
If Paul was radical and content in prison...I should be able to handle my blessed life, yes?