Solace

Sometimes I get sad, you know?

It's not so much a painful sad anymore though. It's more of a happy sad. A beautiful, scarred sad, that just shows up every so often. On days like today, when the first spring sun pops out, and I relive our excitement at the first chance to have a bonfire and gallivant down the road at night, diving in the ditches to hide from cars.

Remembering everything that used to be, everything that was. Everything that fizzled out into nothing but nostalgia and reminiscence. 

If I could go back, I would relive those days. Every single one, twice. If I could have my way, nothing would have changed from those days we all climbed up in our old barn, swinging from the big ropes, climbing on the beams, jumping in the chopped up bedding. When we played hide and seek and ran around giving each other piggy back rides and hunting for zombies.

The days when we just laughed and joked about kissing and made fun of each other at the possibility, even though in those days we knew it wouldn't "ever" happen.

Sometimes I get sad, and I miss those days.

But I guess we all grow up, and our innocence is shattered. Our lives of youth are broken and buried and replaced with a quiet responsibility and acceptance of the consequences of our actions.

But life is so beautiful, with or without a group of us, and I've learned that this quiet acceptance can also be seen with a simple contentment. 

And I've learned that I have more reason to enjoy the little things, to appreciate the things that usually go unnoticed. And to appreciate the people, no matter how temporarily they may be in your life, because just maybe, nothing lasts forever.

Not even the ones who you swore would be.

But maybe it's okay. To live and love in this moment with everything you have, because in the next moment, there may be nothing familiar. But this moment deserves your attention. This moment deserves your love. 

The past, sure, it's a beautiful sadness, and it's okay to remember. It's okay to be sad sometimes.

But if Love allows, tomorrow I will wake up and see the sun. I will hear the birds. I will embrace people I love, and maybe meet new people to love. And life will be beautiful forever.

"As long as you remember, chile', ain't nothing really gone."

Xoxo