Beauty through the storm...

It's so warm, yet I can't stop shaking. 

So this is what it feels like...

Tonight is warm, clear, with a breeze. It's so beautiful. It would be one of those nights we just sit, leaning on each other, making comments about random things, and watching the beauty go by. The thought makes the night so painful.

I feel as though I've forgotten how to breathe. 

This isn't what was supposed to happen. This isn't how it was supposed to go. No, no...the script is all wrong, and me, being the director, am freaking out. 

I guess that is why I gave the pen to the author of life. I guess that is why I am choosing to trust that through this pain, beauty will grow. Think about it. It must be awfully painful for the seed to break through the surface of the ground to grow before it becomes a flower. I think I'll look at this part of life as "breaking ground."

The pain in my stomach is worse than the flu and cramps put together. The pit that has settled is heavier than anything I've ever carried.

Alright, Psalm 55:22 - Cast all your cares on the Lord and He will sustain you; He will never let the righteous be shaken.

Matthew 11:28-30 - “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Such beauty right there. And that, my friends, is why I am still breathing. That is why my heart is still beating. That is why I can be excited for the future, because Proverbs 4:25-27, "Let your eyes look straight ahead;fix your gaze directly before you. Give careful thought to the paths for your feet and be steadfast in all your ways. Do not turn to the right or the left; keep your foot from evil."

Because our relationship wasn't honoring God, and I couldn't find peace when we had no self control physically. I tried, so hard..."Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. For consider Him who has endured such hostility by sinners against Himself, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." Hebrews 12:1-3.

Is it not absolutely beautiful how God has words of comfort for every trial in this life? Isn't it beautiful, how when we surrender all we are, we truly find peace in the storm?

But what is this pain in me? Couldn't be ten years of memories thrown away in the blink of an eye.

Breathe, breathe. I've had better days, but many people have had worse.

It will get better. I choose to believe. I choose to trust. I choose to run after my savior with everything I am. He will pen in a perfectly broken story. Until then, I will be content.

Life is such a beautiful, painful journey. Without Christ, I feel it would only be painful. Thank you, Jesus, for all you've done for me.